Virtue Quest

One of the marks of virtue is the ability to do well consistently. So clearly I remain far from virtue – at least, the virtue of blogging – myself.

Still, it is my goal. I aim to post two or three times a week, not counting the Daily Inventories which I have neglected lately. And it’s not that I have nothing to say. On the contrary! I have too much to say, and I’m afraid that if I sit down to blog I’ll end up neglecting my other obligations. I’ve done that too often in the past.

But writing is in fact one of my priorities. I’ve mentioned that one of my great desires is to be able to support myself financially by writing. That’s hard to do if I don’t write anything.

So I’m re-examining some of my priorities, and the practical means of pursuing them.

Today, I have to go into the office. But I should have tomorrow and Friday off, so I’m planning to air my thoughts – on my own questions and on goings-on in the world – over the next couple days. In the meantime, I am grateful for your readership and your input. You have been very helpful to me! I only pray that, by writing about my own process, I can be helpful to you as well.

My primary vice has got to be sloth. It’s not that I don’t struggle with lust or avarice or pride or any of the others; I do. But sloth is the one that gets me the most, and it’s the one that leads to the others.

For example, I lust because I’m too lazy and uncaring to actually do the work of loving someone. I give in to wrath because I want everything to be given me without my having to work for it, so I make unreasonable demands of the world. And so on.

As vices go, it’s not very exciting. It’s maybe the only vice not glorified in movies or on cable TV. And this makes sense: the root of the vice is a kind of despair. James Chastek explains Thomas Aquinas’ description of the tristitia at the root of sloth. Tristitia usually is translated “sadness” but James suggests “depression” and I think that’s pretty close. It is the sadness of finding nothing good in the world.

Even wrath and envy find violence or revenge worthwhile, but sloth finds nothing worthwhile – not even pleasure.

The cure for sloth

What a slothful person needs is a wake-up call, a swift kick in the heiney, a slap to the face. Once, when I was making confession, the priest advised me to go to a bar and start a fight if I found myself tempted by sloth. In other words, anything to snap out of the fog and come face to face with reality.

Because the fact of the matter is, the world is full of goodness. Pleasure really is good. Friendship really is good. The beauty of a forest or a garden or a painting really is good. Sloth has to put on a pretty thick blindfold to ignore all the good things out there in the world.

I’m not sure why or how I developed the vice myself, but I know the signs of it: that sigh, that question in the corner of my mind that wonders if whatever I’m doing at the moment is worth it, that desire to take a nap when I’m not remotely tired.

In those moments, the first thing I have to do is bring my attention to focus on something – anything at all. I have to see something that is undeniably good. Or even something that is undeniably bad, because that will stir up my anger that it could be good, that there is a good to be done there. In short, I need to return to reality.

Sloth and clinical depression

I said above that “depression” is pretty close to a good translation of tristitia. But it’s not perfect, largely because of the psychiatric condition called depression. Now, I’m not a psychiatrist or a psychologist. I have been treated for clinical depression, and I have found that medication helps. But it does not remove the tristitia at the root of sloth. All medication can do is relieve the emotions that threaten to overwhelm my ability to think clearly.

Tristitia is not an emotional state, or a mood disorder. It is an attitude. When faced with a cloudy day, one can say “Why bother?” or one can say “Perfect day for a walk!” The latter takes more effort than the former, but it also brings joy that the former never will find. Joy is the result of taking the time and effort to find something good, and it leads to love, to communion with the good that one finds.

Certainly worth one’s while.

Tom over at Disputations has been doing my work for me. He’s taking a leisurely stroll through St. Thomas’ treatises on human activity. And he even includes nummy links to the original text! Go Tom!

Hopefully back in force tomorrow. Lots to say, no time to say it! I’d grumble, and hiss, and snarl; but I’m trying to remember that the world does not revolve around me.

My visiting family has been keeping me away from the computer for the past few days. This is the first time in about 48 hours I’ve even turned on the machine.

That’s actually a good thing … for me, at least.

I know, you’re all desperate for the latest wisdom to drop like honey from my lips – don’t try to visualize that, okay? – but it’ll be another couple days. Today’s crazy, tomorrow I’m at work, and Tuesday my brother goes home and my dad comes home. So I’m hoping to start posting regularly again around Wednesday.

In the meantime, I hope you will find some motivation for clarity of thought in the following excellent example of virtuous discernment:

For the Latin-challenged amongst you, the chant at the beginning is: “Pie Iesu Domine, dona eis requiem” which translates to “Sweet Lord Jesus, grant them rest.” It’s a prayer for the souls in Purgatory. Just so’s you know.

I’m just plain tuckered, these days. My nose keeps running and I’m tired of chasing it. I was almost late to work today because I just couldn’t manage to get out of bed. Still having trouble keeping my eyes open.

Even so, I’m not contagious and I am able to keep working, so virtue demands I do what good I’m able to do. Just doesn’t leave much energy for blogging.

So I’ve taken a day or so off. I’ll get back to the keyboard when I have a little more ability to think clearly. Thanks for your patience!

• Woke up about 7:30, before my alarm
• Prayed both morning and evening
• Worked 8 hours
• Posted to the Catholic Writer’s Conference, including a re-write of one scene
• Some reading
• Watched a movie with my dad
• Surfed the web at night
• Got to bed a little after midnight

Thanks for checking out my blog!

My focus is on how to live out the cardinal and theological virtues in everyday life. I’m writing for a secular audience, so I don’t use a lot of Catholic-talk; but I don’t hide my faith, either.

If you like what you see, please spread the word. And feel free to explore the site, and to comment on posts old and new.

grace and peace,
Robert

I think I just have to accept that an hour in traffic after a full day playing extrovert in the office leaves me pretty wiped out. I’m fine for reading, but not much good for writing. As Paul Simon put it, “I’m older than I once was, and younger than I’ll be; that’s not unusual.”

So, here’s another list:

• Woke before my alarm, but went back to sleep for an extra hour
• Chatted on the phone with my brother
• Had to scramble to get to work on time; worked about six hours today
• Dinner with a friend and a couple speakers for a retreat this weekend
• Drove my friend home, because she was lending her car to the speakers
• Spent about an hour staring at my computer screen trying to muster the energy/motivation/will to write; the desire is there, but not the impetus
• Off to bed now, about 11pm

The good news is, I have tomorrow AND Saturday off, so I hope to get some good writing done this weekend!

Long day. Late night. I’m tired.

Just one brag: 6400+ steps! Doc says 10k/day, though, so still working on it.

Maybe I’ll do today’s inventory tomorrow.

Well, I managed some reading today, but no writing. As I said yesterday, I had to go into work. This past couple weeks has been “peak” season, and my hours should return to something more normal next week. I’ll believe it when I see it.

Also took an unplanned nap today, after getting home from work. So it’s after midnight, and I’m hoping to get to sleep by one am. Sleep, for me anyway, is critical for having the right amount of energy and focus at the right time.

On to the list:

• Woke about 8am
• Good conversation with an east-coast friend on the phone
• Worked about five hours
• That darned unplanned nap!
• Some good reading time
• Less than 2000 steps today – noticed I’d been forgetting to put my walking on the list
• As above, aiming for bed before 1am