Virtue Quest

Just keep walking, just keep walking...

I get overwhelmed pretty easily. Sometimes, just looking at the pile of dishes in my sink exhausts me. Other times I’m more ambitious: I figure I can conquer the world but I worry if I’ll make it outside the little pond of our solar system. But the fact is, whenever I face a new task – or a new start on an ongoing task – there’s a part of me that asks, “Can I really do that?”

For example, I’ve mentioned that I’m working on a book about my grandmother’s life. Until the last couple weeks, I’ve been stuck on the magnitude of the project. I talked to one of my uncles about my problems, and he suggested a couple ways to break the project down into smaller pieces, each of which is do-able in an hour or two.

Well, duh! says I. I know how to do that. I just don’t want to.

Why not? (more…)

Not having done my daily inventory for about a week, I feel inexplicably obligated to report some news items that I would normally have published in that column.

First, I finished reading The Sources of Christian Ethics. To those who are sick of me drooling all over its magnificent wisdom, you may sigh in relief. I won’t comment on it again for some time. Except to say that it’s got me re-starting my ebook from scratch.

On the other hand, I haven’t quite decided what virtue book I’ll read next. I have unintentionally fallen into the habit of reading only one book at a time, and I’m rather enjoying the increased retention and the speed of getting through a given text that come from such a focus. I think probably Plato’s Republic will be next. But before I dive headlong into that, I’m skimming over Jared Diamond’s Collapse.

Diamond is better known for Guns, Germs, and Steel. He’s a geographer by profession, but he writes in the personal confessional style that has become so popular these days. Anyway, Collapse focuses on the environmental causes of societal failure. I’m rather pessimistic about the institutional future of the U.S. and of so-called Western Culture and the Global Economy, so I’m curious to see what he has to say about it all.

Anyway, I’m open to suggestions for my next reading. Any topics of burning interest you want me to write about?

Second, I’ve resolved my casino concerns. I won’t be going to dealer school and I won’t be putting myself through unnecessary moral ambiguity.

The comments on the blog came out in favor of dealing, but the fact is every argument in favor finally showed itself as an excuse hiding behind the mask of practicality. My main motivations were fear and impatience, not really a desire to deal or a sense of calling.

The two moments which sealed my decision were:

1. When I spoke to the instructors at the dealer school, and they told me that there was no option to “cut someone off” from further gambling, as a bartender might cut someone off from further drinking if that person was intoxicated
2. When I floated the idea for my mother and she gasped, then managed to ask, “Why would you want to do something like that?” I’m firmly of the school that one of a son’s main duties is to avoid making his mother cry

But the fact is that I’m financially able to keep plugging away at the job search for at least another three or four months, and there are plenty of good prospects out there.

Even so, my dream is to make a living as a writer. And I’m frustrated at how much time and energy that I could spend on writing is going into job hunting. So, I’m resisting also the temptation to snuggle into a corner of comfortable dependence on family and be an artiste. I only need to sell that first bestseller, and I’ll have it made, right?

Or, I could actually do the work of being productive in ways other than those dictated by daydreams. While working to make my dreams – day and otherwise – come true. So I’m a wee tad bit torn.

Third, as if I didn’t have enough plates spinning, I’m thinking of adding a kind of series to the blog. Tentative title: “Letters to our Leaders.” Here’s my reasoning: the most direct political influence I can have, apart from actually running for office, is to engage my elected officials in conversation. I can inform them of my concerns, of my hopes for government, and I can describe my reasons for thinking as I do. Maybe, if they write back, I can gain insight into their reasons and concerns.

Meanwhile, if I publish my letters on this blog, other people can use my letters as models for their own, or can tell me why they disagree, or even write other letters that argue against my letters.

I’m motivated pretty strongly by the current health care legislative tornado, but I’m thinking that it’s important to build up a consistent repartee with elected officials, and to address local problems as well as national and/or international issues.

What think you? Would you be interested in reading and/or discussing this sort of thing? Would you find it useful? Do you think I’m just hopelessly naive?

Yesterday was not so much overly busy as just plain draining. So I didn’t get to the computer much at all. It’s actually kind of a relief not to be on line. The feel of a book is just plain more satisfying than the feel of a keyboard; and there’s something sort of compulsive, for me, anyway, about staring at a screen. I have similar problems with the telly.

Anyway, here’s a rough, not very complete list:

• 8 March:
• Don’t remember exactly when I woke, but it must’ve been around 8
• Morning prayer
• Worked an 8-hr shift
• Made some major revisions to the outline of my novel
• Renewed some library books
• I’m sure I did other things on Monday, but my memory’s a bit blurry at present; don’t even remember just what time I got to bed!
• 9 March
• Woke around 8, with my alarm
• Had a doctor’s appointment in the morning
• Mom and I picked up my brother at the airport; had lunch together, then Mom went back to work and I took my brother home
• Went to the library to pick up some new books
• Pretty much just hung out with my brother most of the evening: some shopping, played some cribbage, chatted, and so on
• Actually watched “Lost” more or less at its scheduled time, for once
• Bed around 11

Quick note about today: I know much of the U.S. has suffered from interminable blizzarding, but here in the balmy Pacific Northwest, the weather has hardly dared dip below 40F. Till today. Indeed, even as I speak, it snoweth! God be praised! It snoweth!

Yes, I know it has nothing whatsoever to do with virtue – except the virtue of joy!

Right. Onto the list:

• Woke without my alarm because I’d left my phone (AKA, my alarm clock) upstairs. Still, it was 8:05, so I was basically on schedule
• Morning prayer, and mass, but no evening prayer
• Helped my mom out a bit, since she was totally wiped out from a long day on Saturday
• Worked a 5-hr shift
• Realized en route to work that I’d left my wallet at home; continued driving anyway with flagrant disregard for my criminal status
• Had dinner and a movie (the new “Alice”) with some good friends
• Home around 11pm; asleep by midnight

Back to ye olde daily grind! What could be better?

• Woke with my alarm at 8am
• Paid some bills
• Some reading, some writing – including a post for this blog!
• Prayed in the morning, but not in the evening
• Neglected to call a friend when I told her I would
• Went to work for about six hours
• Cooked dinner for my mom
• Some planning for next week, while Dad’s away and Brother’s in town
• Got to bed early, about 10pm

Feeling better now, I’m glad to report! But my dad headed off this morning to help my aunt and uncle deal with some health issues, so I get to help my mom take care of the house. And next week, my brother is coming into town just to hang out with us. So I hope to post a few times next week, but please forgive me if I’m a little slack!

Anyway, here’s yesterday, as best I remember it:

• Woke up on time for the first time in three days
• Normal Friday conversation with a friend on the east coast
• A little reading
• Sorted out some details about Dad’s trip with him and Mom
• Worked an 8-hr shift
• Turned in another job application; had a fun little banter with the manager
• Watched a little telly (finally saw the new episode of “Lost”)
• Scribbled some notes for a new take on an old story idea
• Posted a couple final notes to the Catholic Writer’s Conference
• I don’t remember if I spent any time in prayer – mea culpa!
• Got to bed a little after ten

• Woke up early – about 6:30, I think; then returned to bed till after 9
• Scrambled to get to mass on time – I arrived during the opening prayer
• At work for 5 hours
• Some commenting over on the Catholic Writer’s Conference forums
• Wrote a post for this blog
• Dinner and conversation with some good friends
• Some time web surfing before bed – about an hour or so
• Prayed while driving, but said neither morning nor evening prayer
• Bed around 11-ish

Yesterday was, well, a bit nuts. So I’ll catch you up on the past couple days:

• February 26:
• Woke up about 8am
• Prayed in the morning, not in the evening
• Had a phone conversation with a good friend on the east coast
• A little re-writing on the novel
• Worked about 8 hours
• Came home to a poker party, at which I won more than I lost
• Got to bed around 1:30am
• February 27:
• Woke up about 8:45
• Phone call with another good friend
• Worked for about 7 hours
• Phone call with yet another good friend
• Phone call with a fourth good friend – thank God for good friends!
• Watched some telly (“House” I think)
• Prayed in the evening, not in the morning
• Posted my submissions to the Catholic Writer’s Conference Online
• Got to bed around 10pm

Bit of a crazy morning this morning, but here’s yesterday:

• Woke up early, about 6:30, had breakfast, then back to bed till my alarm went off
• Didn’t pray in the morning, but did pray in the evening
• Worked about 8 hours
• Rewrote a passage for the critique group
• Wrote a post for Coalition for Clarity
• Did a little job searching
• Helped clean the house for tonight’s poker party
• Watched some telly (“Burn Notice” – go Fiona!)
• Finished reading a bad translation of Tao Te Ching – working on a post about that
• Got to bed around 11

One of the results of not playing computer games is that I don’t use my computer much at night. So, I haven’t been on the computer to write up my daily inventory before I go to bed.

The daily inventory gives me a reality check, though. It’s a way of seeing my behavior more clearly. But because it’s a good thing to not be on the computer late at night, I’m going to try doing the inventory in the morning instead. So, here’s what yesterday looked like:

• Woke up about 8am with my alarm
• Didn’t pray
• Had the day off from work, but had a job interview
• Took a nap after the job interview – I’d been out late at a movie (“Shutter Island”) the night before
• Did some job searching
• Printed out the first six chapters of my novel; I’m submitting a couple passages to an online critique forum later this week, so I’m doing a quick re-write
• Wrote a post for this blog
• Watched a little telly (latest episode of “Lost”)
• Had dinner with some friends
• Some reading
• Went to bed around 10:30